Before you begin to dance away with her on the ocean floor, beware: she may be a Siren. Sirens are bird-like seductresses originating from Greek Mythology, notably in Homer’s The Odyssey. Odysseus and his men were venturing through the treacherous oceans to finally make it home when they ran into the Sirens. Their song is equally sad and sweet—luring sailors into their ultimate death.
You’re a player who’s starting to feel sly and in control. Women are throwing themselves at your sultry, suave demeanor… yeahhh. Unfortunately your complacency will most likely prevent you from filtering women, dooming you to hear song after song from vicious Sirens who have no intent of letting go of their ravenous grip.
Sirens entrap men. They are typically bright, alluring women with a thick layer of charisma to mask the decaying spirit inside. If your relationship consists of cyclical break ups and fictional love then you are probably in a Siren’s empty trance.
A Domestic Siren is the trophy on your mantel. She makes gourmet sandwiches, folds your socks while you watch ESPN after dinner and the dishes are totally cleaning themselves. But all that time at home, all work and no play, turns the Siren straight away. Yes, I advocate milfhood and glorify domestic duties, but without hobbies and interests this Siren will feel caged. Goodbye Domestic and hello Desperate Siren from Wisteria Lane.
The Carnivorous Siren can start off as the beak to your worm. And as delightful as woodpeckers can be, this Siren is more naughty than nice. As psychology would reiterate, the lack of a good father figure, traumatizing first boyfriend experience, or unyielding need for attention will cause her to gnaw your heart away. Carnivorous women are convinced that all men are evil and use it to justify their selfish tendencies. These women first manipulate and then learn to chirp your tune. She lusts you but she lusts herself more. Vultures.
Some women do not have confidence and Flightless Sirens sing this pitiful song. At first, it’s precious, their self-loathing antics and cute failures. However, there is dust gathering on her wings. Life isn’t about finding yourself, but making yourself and if you’re too busy helping her, you’ll both fall. And yikes, it never helps that insecure women are usually boring because they’re too afraid to just be. Flightless Sirens are prone to fling their man-woes on “the universe”, never themselves. They preach cynicism and predict holes in others’ happiness. Keep thy ears covered!
The Migratory Siren is a Player’s female counter-part. Perhaps this is your ideal gal. She’s the right balance of party owl and career chick but in that shuffle, you hardly come up. If you were trying to keep score in the mating game, you will see no victory with her. She’s the only Siren that will want things to end between you two—and that very objective is what keeps you clasped on.
Running into one of these Sirens marks the end of your Playerhood. Women who display Sirenistic qualities (look at me, making up words already) are hopefully in a phase as well. So if you’re wasting your time, at least know what you’re wasting it with. What’s worse than a woman without standards? A man without standards. Men are supposed to maintain composure so when they’re found at a dark corner wallowing in their female misery, it only fuels the darkness of the pit a Siren wishes you to remain in. No, women don’t like “jerks”, but we’d like to secretly know that you can make a firm decision when necessary.
“Nice guys” don’t finish last, push-overs do.