1. I Hate Olive Garden Commercials
I carb-load for a living but this makes me associate never ending breadsticks to forced family time in a quasi-Italian dining experience. I think I’d rather watch Jersey Shore than swallow the sap-fest displayed in Olive Garden commercials.
Case in point #1: A recent ad about the importance of time with cousins.
Female Cousin: “Whenever the whole family gets together, we always make time for just us cousins. Like the other day at Olive Garden…”
Male Cousin: “Hey Susan, you gotta tell the Aunt Jesse story!”
Gee wiiiiiz, that’s a funny one.
Case in point #2: Mother and Son bonding
You just need to watch this.
So..Dad’s working his tortellini off while Mother and Son go out for dinner? Wow, I guess they really wanted to try Olive Gardens new Chicken and OEIDIPasta!
2. I Hate It When Ugly People Are Mean To Their Not-So Ugly Significant Other.
If you’re ugly, that’s fine because very little can be done to counter it, just know that you have no right to be a rude girl to your boyfriend. And guys, if she’s a walking dime, be nice to her because she really doesn’t have to be with you.
The assumption is that if you’re ugly, you compensate with wit and kindness. No biggie. If you’re beautiful, people will be more likely to accept your rudeness and relate it to your ego. No biggie.
Obviously it’s never okay to treat anyone poorly but if you’re ugly, it’s just sinful.
3. I Hate Witnessing Mismanaged Cheapness
My family owns a restaurant and we were once changing the prices since our costs went up. We took the 6 out of $6.99 and before we could put a 7, some guy tried to pay us .99 for an entrée. It’s totally understandable if you want to pay .99 for a side of fries or a “beef” taco but why would you want to pay .99 for a Goat curry? How did you convince yourself that it would be safe to ingest? This guy walked out UPSET because he couldn’t get an elaborate dish for less than a dollar. Way to go, bro.
You are not doing your wallet or yourself a favor by being cheap where quality matters. Being thrifty is a SKILL and very few can master it. Mismanaged cheapness will ultimately lead you to buy and pay more later on or sacrifice your dignity.
4. I Hate Cave People
I recently met someone from 2009. This girl had somehow managed to avoid the viral impact of social media and remain cliché. I think its weird when people are somehow unaware of overly broadcasted information that most of us can’t avoid knowing. I still hear rants about how Kanye is so awful, how auto-tune is killing the music industry, oh Sarah Palin doesn’t know where Russia is, Omg Toms are the greatest thing ever, Ugh facebook privacy settings are so horrible, and hey let me show you this cute video where this boy is going home from the dentist and is all whoozy from the meds HaHA lol, lolcats, lmao, lollerskates, LollisterCo…
WTF. How hard did you have to work to avoid the refresh button on your browser?
5. I Hate It When Super Cute Babies Are Murdered And No Explanations Are Sought
Twitter went from being in a frenzy over Casey Anthony to throwing a hissy fit when she was declared Not Guilty. Rest assured, some of the greatest twitter jokes were made today. But seriously, nothing that happens in Florida ever makes sense. Every other day there I read a headline about the most heinous crimes: ballot mix ups, serial killers (real ones, not just from Dexter), tons of senile people with drivers licenses, gruesome deaths with no explanations, and unwarranted hate crimes. FLORIDIANS, check your water supply because there is something infesting it and your minds. Perhaps, tourists.