If I’m going around town breakfasting with you, consider yourself important. I get up in the morning and think to myself “I love this person so much that I will sacrifice sleep and the comfort of my memory foam to haphazardly make jokes over coffee and eggs”. But the same way I consider breakfast a major event on my mental calendar, I hype up super late night tomfoolery. It’s only possible because it’s rare.
So at 11:35 am I’m standing in line to pay for my drink and gasoline. My first ethical dilemma stems from what’s socially acceptable to drink at this time. If I’m a morning person, I grab juice. If I’m a sleeper-inner, I grab a coffee. I decide that I’m not ready to make a crucial decision at this point in my life. Mmm, water.
Behind me I have a man who is screaming, “MY DAY HAS ALREADY BEEN 4 HOURS LONG AND I LOVE IT”. Chill dude, no need to remind me of everything I will never be. Actually, he said none of that. I just inferred from the sunshine rays beaming from his face. Behind him is a Sleeper-Inner. Yuck lady, we all know you hate life right now considering the wrinkles on your “business casual” ensemble paired with Crocs.
I cannot wake up before 10 am like Morning Dude, but life is definitely not long enough to start at noon like Sleeping Beauty. Second dilemma: are people who wake up between the delicate but refined hours of 10 am and 12 pm worthless?
No, we’re quality people. We’re the moderates in life. We’re shnazzy but not spazzy. We kind of skip the most important meal of the day but not really because it still happens. And as it turns out, the world loves us.
1. Most restaurants don’t bother opening till 11 am.
2. Traffic ends before we wake up and starts back up after we arrive at whatever our 1pm destination is.
3. Brunch includes the best of breakfast and the sizzle of lunch.
4. Excuses are endless when you don’t want to hang out with either extreme.
- To: Crazy, Uptight Morning Person
“Oh my gosh, 6 am yoga sounds absolutely riveting but I’ve scheduled a REM coma at that time.”
- To: Lax, Sloppy, Sleeper-Inner:
“Whoa that party that starts at 1 am seems life changing but I unfortunately have to get my career on the next day.”
5. Nothing in life can be excluded.
The most important business meetings take place during our peak hours of 10 am and 3 pm. Those 8 am meetings only pretend to be important because people had to buy donuts for them. Brunch makes gluttony classy. Brunch provides conversational segues from Nietzsche’s philosophies to the parallel between global decay and Lindsay Lohan’s teeth.
As a Brunch person, you can function at an Electro-Concert one night and still produce pseudo-intellectual comments in class the next day (which you ingeniously scheduled for 1 pm).