Category Archives: Review

I Am Saving You from Fifty Shades of Grey

Posted on by Tareen
1

If I ever dislike something, I have at least given it a try. I ate papaya once; it tastes like vomit pretending to be fruit. I endured 3 paragraphs of Twilight and the first movie. So obviously I went ahead and gave this media-frenzied book, Fifty Shades of Grey, an earnest read.

The title presumably sounds like a literary classic. I think all these women that have raved about this book just really appreciate dominant and submissive sex, which is not the issue. The real issue is the lack of any coherent rhetoric in this novel. I am genuinely disheartened by how poorly written it is; the book is a complete farce. For this to become a best seller is a stab at any real author who is struggling to make a name.

The main character is Anastasia Steele (Ana), who is given the exact attributes of the Twilight chick. Ana is pale, doubts her beauty, and is clumsy. She’s about to graduate college but is aloof about the concept of sex and has never done more than kiss a guy. No comment on the likelihood of this scenario. She works at the hardware store, dresses in sultry t-shirts and jaw-dropping converse shoes, and gathers the attention of Ivy League guys. The fact that Ana is a shameless replica of Twilight chick explains the infectious notoriety of this romance novel.

Ana then has an encounter with a young, self-made, and entrepreneurial billionaire (not to be confused with an average millionaire). His name is Christian Grey (all the characters in this book are given medieval names). Homeboy is adopted and develops a multi-faceted persona. He’s viciously handsome, a philanthropist, has adventurous hobbies, and harbors the attention of every woman. His fingers produce Bach-like symphonies on a piano and in the bedroom. He reveals a unique vice that carries this book into the hands of every female: he likes sadomasochists. He is immediately drawn to Ana by her supposedly alluring demeanor and elusive mind.

Ana maintains the lexicon of a home-schooled teen that keeps a diary. The way the author portrays Ana’s subconscious is insulting to any woman in her twenties. Christian tends to her needs, is protective of her, and rescues her. Her reaction: He’s so freaking…hot!!! Although Christian is considered to be supremely attractive, the only adjective the author can summon is hot.

Holy shit …he’s about to stand up. He’s actually talking to me…woah. I should cite that last sentence because it is probably a direct quote from the book, including the ellipses. If you took out all the parts about her blushing, saying jeez, biting her lips, and holy-crapping, the book is cut to 34 pages. A kindle search shows that “Crap” alone is used 93 times.

Ana is some sort of lit major in 2012 but doesn’t initially own a laptop? Crap. Each time Ana begins to use her Macbook, she addresses it as “firing up the mean machine” as if it runs on Windows 95. Double Crap. What? This author is on some potent crack. Triple Crap. And everyone in the book “murmurs” and either grins or frowns at every moment. Why can’t everyone just talk? Keep in mind this book has sold 10 million copies.

The first time Ana visits Christian’s home, he shows Ana his Red Dungeon of Pain and Sex and Horror and Play and Etc. The room is full of cuffs, chains and other BDSM equipment. But before she can exhibit any fear, she is oogling over his mere existence. He can simply touch her into an orgasm. It was tolerable to read the first time but after the third “body-shattering” experience, I am hysterical and irritated.

At times, Ana almost exhibits a real personality where she is afraid of his needs. She once utters an entire sentence with proper syntax in front of Christian. When she’s not too busy lusting his luscious hair, she is swallowing the idea of signing a contract into submission. Christian is a control freak who fuels his sexual drive by commanding Ana to eat and dress in a certain manner. He punishes her for rolling her eyes at him by spanking her. Ana becomes emotionally conflicted by Christian’s fetish, unsure of whether she can ever accept this pain. For the author to romanticize physical and mental abuse is totally irresponsible.

Throughout my rant and dilemma, I had a choice: just stop reading. Unfortunately, the literary spin on this sexual expedition and wanting to know the end of this ridiculous premise has led me half way into this book. I don’t read romance novels but I’m sure I would still appreciate one with actual language and character development. I don’t care how sexy it may seem, why are intelligent people recommending this book? WHAT IS GOING ON?

Defining a Villain

Posted on by Tareen
2

Serial killers destroy families. Corporate, religious, and political psychopaths ruin societies.

Author of Men Who Stare At Goats, Jon Ronson, explores the underlying causes of psychopathy and characteristics that define a psychopath. The book, of course, took a journalistic approach—adding background research, personal insight and humor.

Why is the world so unfair? “Why all the savage economic injustice, those brutal wars, the everyday corporate cruelty? The answer: Psychopaths”

For some time now, I have believed that there are no villains in this world. Every action is a product of nurture and people’s experiences define their morals. To the villains, they are the heroes—they are right. They are just. So what are rapists, murderers and schemers? They are just “jagged rocks thrown into the still pond.”

They are charmers. They are people who study the rest of us being normal and then imitate. They are eloquent, capable of disguising madness as logic. They will listen to you ramble about your morals and beliefs but pity you in their head for being restrained by your conscience.

If you were to unknowingly marry a sociopath (basically synonymous with psychopath), just leave. You will not hurt that person because they associate no real emotions with that kind of a loss. In the book, Ronson describes an experiment that reveals a critical, physical difference between a psychopath and a normal person.

When intense electro-shock therapy was legal (before the 1970′s), several psychiatrists would conduct tests on prisoners for their research. Psychopaths were then considered to have personality disorders. Prisoners would volunteer to be a part of these experiments, unaware of what it entailed. They would be seated on the chair and told that they were going to be shocked at high levels. The prisoner would begin to sweat and tremble at the anticipation of the shock and after it was done, they would never volunteer again. That’s a normal person. The prisoners that were labelled to have personality disorders would not even sweat or twitch before the shock was delivered. It was as if their mind could not process the anticipation of pain and once it was endured, the memory of the pain would be fleeting. It was later discovered that psychopaths have a short-term, emotional memory—basically they lack a functioning amygdalae.

Stare hard enough and you'll see what I mean

Psychotic prisoners are easy though; they like meeting researchers to break the monotony of their day. CEO’s and politicians, however, find ways to bury their madness.

The right information is not covered about Anthony Weiner; he is a likely psychopath. Faking tears is the first thing they learn to do. His life ambitions are limited to fame and power and having (attempting to have) extramarital affairs is common. Let’s be real, most congressmen do not have sext worthy abs. Each of his six packs seemed to need a virtual mistress. This kind of superficial tendencies and need for continuous admiration encompasses a psychopath. His wife is intelligent, beautiful and accomplished, so he obviously had to be cunning and manipulative to deceive her. Yes, any politician would be all of these to an extent but Weiner displays a little more that aligns with the research Ronson did.

Jon Ronson even took Bob Hare’s course on identifying psychopaths; he describes it as both a power and flaw. After reading the book, it was difficult not to over analyze the people in my life. However, it’s also really helpful to notice these traits unwillingly. The Hare PCL-R (Pyschopathy Check List-Revised) lists all the characteristics that allow psychologists to diagnose psychopaths. If you read these and think “I’m all of these things sometimes, I may be a psychopath!” then you’re probably not. It’s those who ways to justify their behavior and psychotic ideologies that score high on this list.

Clearly, I really enjoyed this book. Buy it, Kindle it, Nook it, iPad it, Torrent it, Read it.

Revolutionary Marketing 2011

Posted on by Tareen
2

There are very few people or establishments without a social media presence now. Facebook has become our virtual passport, allowing us to “like” everywhere we go online. In less than 3 clicks on my phone, I can immediately spread an article I like from twitter to 15-20 immediate viewers. But this isn’t about how amazing social media, its about how clever marketers found a way to re-revolutionize the impact of it all.

Marketing breakthroughs have been so frequent the past year that the excitement of it all is usually fleeting. Despite the current lack of shock value of social media, these recent marketing techniques have left me baffled.

1. Justin Bieber “Never Say Never” 3D (Theaters/3D Appeal)

I hate Justin Bieber fantatics. Some lady hates those fanatics too and decided the best way to contain her rage is by stealing their money. In an elaborate, money making scheme, she put together a montage of 3 home videos, 2-3 viral youtube videos, footage of concerts, a couple of 3 sentence interviews, and a collection of the freaks themselves screaming on camera. The collection of clips were put in chronological order, made “3D” and then advertised it as an “Experience to his world in 3D”. What most would consider a documentary, suddenly became an “experience” worth $11-18 in a theater near you.

The only difference between “Never Say Never” and MTV Behind the Scene is a slight 3D effect. It was brilliant. Give loyal fans what they want and they’ll pay for it—a simple act with profound effects.

Never Say Never to teenage freaks.

2. Rebecca Black (Youtube)

The Bieber movement consequently inspired two parents to invest in their bathroom voice prodigy daughter, Rebecca. After $2000+ spent on hiring a professional recording group, youtube recognition, and I’m guessing a whopping $1.59 to some lyricist, Rebecca Black launched a video that received more notoriety than anything else I’ve lived to see.

I will confess, I never made it past the first 30 seconds of the video but I have endured countless renditions and parodies of the music video. The brilliance of the song “Friday” is not the actual video but how Ark Music Factory (the recording agency) specifically caters to wealthy parents with untalented children. I say this because Rebecca Black is not the first of her kind; there are others just as worse. Ark Music Factory provides false hope, a camera, and auto-tune in exchange for a couple grand to aspiring pop stars.

Sign me up.

Ruin your Fridays forever

3. Smart Water (Youtube)

It must have been frustrating for marketing agencies to see effortless youtube videos gain the attention of millions and media notoriety while their own strategies were reduced to standard commercializing. However, a concession was made when Jennifer Aniston pastiched a medley of previously viral youtube videos for a Smart Water campaign.  With over 8 million hits, the self-proclaimed “viral” video did justice to its name.

The whole concept behind bottled water is already scheming, but after gathering direct attention with immediate responses and millions of viewers for FREE, it is now innovative. No, Smart.

Jennifer Anistons Sex Tape

4. Charlie Sheen (Radio/Television/Twitter)

I know, this guy is overexposed but I really love it when celebrities capitalize on their mishaps and tragedies. Why wouldn’t you? Postmodernism has taught celebrities one valuable lesson: either you hide and lose the limelight forever OR you accept your faults, gain attention from all media outlets and then you secure your fame by capitalizing on it.

After being exposed for abusing his wife, using an undisclosed amount of drugs, having porn stars as best friends, Charlie Sheen went on a series of rampant interviews at radio stations and talk shows. His attempts at self-defense were minimal and outweighed by hilarious remarks—manifesting irreversible insanity.  For a solid 2 days, Charlie Sheen ruled all forms of media. Sheen soon became an active tweeter, helping him unofficially coin terms like #tigerblood and #turd. With all this, Sheen saw fit to launch a series of “shows” around the US. This is a marketing #win.

Tiger Woods, talk to Sheen, you were never as bad as him.

twitter.com/CHARLIESHEEN

Sparkle

Posted on by Tareen
Reply

Sex in the City 2

I was never an avid watcher of Sex and the City and leisurely endured the first and second movie (mainly admiring the fashion). I have no complaints because I had no expectations. But I did find a major theme to be a little disturbing. Carrie Bradshaw (the lead) continues to express uncertainty regarding the do’s and taboos in relationships, despite being a “note worthy” sex and love columnist writer.

After 2 decades of frantic dating and 2 years of marriage, Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker aka Horse lady) complains that her relationship with her husband has become too Mr. and Mrs. Married. Mr. Big (unfortunate husband) wants to spend quality time at home with take out meals (since Carrie can’t cook), relax on the couch (that Carrie took a year to pick out), and watch black and white movies (which he and Carrie both enjoy). But Carrie (the continuously confused and needy wife), apparently expects married life to entail dressing up, attending crowded events, and crappy catering. Although I recognize the need to maintain an active relationship, not everything has to literally be about razzle and dazzle for a long lasting “sparkle”.

Big comes home one night, after a grueling day at work, with a brown bag of take out. Carrie, appalled, forces him to go out with her that night, fearing that their marriage life was heading towards dullhood. Maintaining the “sparkle” in a relationship is more about strengthening the bond between two people rather than the activity itself. Even in the end, she never really makes an effort to truly understand anyone but herself. Carrie repeatedly fails to take Bigs concerns seriously, continues to be demanding, and receives a black sparkly diamond in the end to remind her that she is married and should seek to be faithful. Uh, what? As a result, the very “sparkle” she seeks to preserve will die due to her self-absorption. What’s more scary is that her clichéd, romantic character persistently pretends to be “writing her own rules” to very common sense things. I have nothing against Sex and the City but this movie was completely unnecessary because it undermined the decades of lessons the show had previously taught.

I, however, enjoyed the time I spent with my girl friends and snagged a newfound love for shoes.