2004 Was the Greatest Year for Music of All Time

Posted on December 9, 2012 by Tareen

You can try to argue with me on this one but 2004 was THE GREATEST year for all kinds of music. Just think about how old you were and where you were then before you check the list. I was in 8th grade and I would rush home after school everyday to catch MTV’s Total Request Live because each day seemed that sensational. So, after 2 hours of scouring through Wikipedia to check song release dates and prancing around in nostaligia, my friend and I finished compiling this list. Most of these artists had multiple chart-toppers but I tried to avoid repeating them. Each of these are exclusively great, hilarious, and equally a classic. I’m not vouching for all of these artists but they definitely made a societal impact with these songs:

Yeah! –Usher ft. Lil Jon and Ludacris
She Likes to Move – NERD
All Falls Down – Kanye West
The Reason –Hoobastank
Hey Ya! – Outkast
Lean Back –Terror Squad
Float On –Modest Mouse
Tipsy – J-Kwon
Goodies – Ciara
Work It – Missy Elliot
American Idiot –Green Day
Freek-a-Leek –Petey Pablo ft. Lil Jon
My Immortal –Evanescence
Dirt Off Your Shoulder –Jay Z
Take Me Out – Franz Ferdinand
Overnight Celebrity –Twista
Since U Been Gone –Kelly Clarkson
Hotel –Cassidy feat. R Kelly
Numb –Linkin Park
She Will Be Loved – Maroon 5
Karma – Alicia Keys
Pieces – Sum 41
Get Low – Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz ft. Ying Yang Twins
Drop It Like Its Hot – Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell
Are You Gonna Be My Girl – Jet
Where is the Love? – Black Eyed Peas
Just Lose It – Eminem
Breathe Me – Sia
Leave (Get Out) – JoJo
Toxic – Britney Spears
Come Clean – Hilary Duff
Milkshake –Kelis
White Flag – Dido
On Fire – Lloyed Banks
Miss You – Blink 182
Holidae Inn – Chingy ft. Ludacris & Snoop Dogg
Rumors – Lindsay Lohan
I Believe in a Thing Called Love – The Darkness
Culo – Pitbull Ft. Sean Paul
Smile – Lilly Allen
Gasolina – Daddy Yankee
Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani
Wait (Whisper Song) – Ying Yang Twins
Vertigo – U2
I Don’t Want You Back – Eamon
Slow Motion –Juvenile
Somewhere Only We Know –Keane
My Happy Ending –Avril Lavigne
Ch-Check It Out –Beastie Boys

No, I wont shut up. That all happened in 2004.

Swim Good: Frank Oceans Letter

Posted on July 5, 2012 by Tareen

When I first heard, I had the unique luxury of a friend reading Frank Oceans poetic letter out loud to me.

“Whoever you are, wherever you are…I’m starting to think that we’re a lot alike”.

And everything suddenly stood still. I’m not musically inclined, I have minimum artistic qualities, and I’m straight. But I felt Frank Ocean. I clung on to each word and because I wasn’t reading, I was seeing.

We’re in blackness. Did you even know there was blackness? There is a struggle. There is truth. If you can’t accept the sexuality of others, then this isn’t for you. There’s little for you. This is for those who oversee these differences but have yet to empathize. We can try. Recently, there has been an even stronger theme for progress from social pioneers. Each story heavies my chest but this one I really felt. Its raw.

We’re all in blackness, attempting to live truthfully.

I’ve carried a motto within me the past few years that has helped me through anything and everything: Empathize often. If you can place yourself somewhere foreign, then you know what’s right. It has helped me find everything good in my world. So how much would it hurt if I felt like a prisoner in my own body?

Because I couldn’t be honest with myself.

Because I couldn’t tell my friends who my heart felt for.

Because my parents wanted everything else of me.

These prisoners spend their lives with mixtures of guilt and confusion. They never want to know what’s at the end of a sentence that begins with homosexuality and ends with God. Why isn’t this darkness a part of our past already?

By the time Frank Ocean realized he was in love, it had become “malignant”. Anyone who has loved knows what that means.

I see Frank sitting, stiff because his words are fleeting too freely to his friend. I see his tears. I picture the sad years passing because he didn’t know his feelings were reciprocated. But he harnessed what he was given. He told himself he was going to be fine, and so he was. He spent years developing his craft and creating great music.

I admire what he’s done with his words. I’ve always enjoyed his music but now his letter injects a new spirit into my breaths. His dialogue has resonated in my thoughts for a few days now.

I’m going to be seeing him in concert soon. I hope I get a chance to tell him: “Hey Frank, we’re nowhere near a falling sky”.

Modern, Classic Pop Songs I Hope I Never Relate To

Posted on September 6, 2011 by Tareen

1. Britney Spears ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ (1999)

Go Ahead And Click Here Since You’re Pretending To Not Remember The Lyrics

If ‘my loneliness was ever killing me’ then you better believe I would turn into a rampant whore. Spears roams through the halls sulking, begging her boy toy for another chance so he can show her how ‘he wants it to be’. She knows she’s ‘BLIGHN-ded’ but ‘there’s nothing she wouldn’t do’…the reason she ‘breathes is you’. Eeeeeek, get it together, girl. Play MASH to find out if he’s really The One.

2. Justin Timberlake ‘Cry Me A River’ (2002)

Britney Is Actually In This Video Too

The heartache in this song is so fierce that Justin needed heavy rainfall and Gregorian monks to echo his sorrow. His first mistake was making a rising pop star his “sun” and “earth”. She didn’t cheat on him with just one guy, ‘NOooOoo….DON’T ACT LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW IT!’ Her river of apologetic tears weren’t enough so Justin broke into her house with (his bro before his hoe) Timbaland to stalk and torment. I hope I’m never the cheater or the cheatee because really, who ever looks good in a pool of sorry tears?

3. The Cardigans ‘Lovefool’ (1997)

Forgot How Awesome 90′s Music Videos Were

‘Love me, lovvee me’ should never be an actual sentence in any language.“Pretend that you love me. Leave me, leave me, just say that you need me,” is sung so whimsically that you almost forget that this is a desperate plea from a delusional ex. Anyone that can manage to relate to this song in its entirety is hopeless.

4. Cher ‘Believe’ (1998)

I Believed Before I Beliebed

At first listen, you want to relate to this songs strong will undertones and a central theme of moving on. This may be my bias against Cher’s vocal identity crisis but I really feel that ultimately, the message is more bitter than hopeful. The whole, “no, I don’t need you anymore” and the continuous mull over “do you believe in life after love” has me left feeling hollow. The question is never answered but I’m going to assume that Cher found life after love happily ever after.

5. Taylor Swift ‘You Belong With Me’ (2009)

Dont Mess With T Sweezy, Yeezy

I can’t deny that this song is precious. However, we cannot forget to grasp the severity of a lunatic with a guitar—convinced that she should have your boyfriend. How exactly does Swift know what this boy is fighting over ‘on the phone with his girlfriend’? “She’ll never know your story like I do,” what story? Rule of Thumb: Do not tell stalkerish neighbors your life story because she may try to kill your girl friend behind the bleachers after cheer practice. Taylor, because I love you, I’m going to pretend that this song is hypothetical and not a page out of your diary like the rest of your songs.

6. Maroon 5 ‘She Will Be Loved’ (2004)

The Girl With The Broken Smile Tattoo

Has there been a standing ovation for all those foolish shmucks waiting on their girl best friend to fall in love with them? Despite her ‘always belonging to someone else’, he drives for ‘miles and miles just to wind up at her door’. And does he even ‘mind spending everyday out on your corner in the pouring rain’? Hell no he doesn’t. In fact, he spends all that time wondering if she’ll ever properly be loved—since it apparently cannot be him. Um, is there no justice left in this world? Why can’t it ‘always be rainbows and butterflies’? Dear ‘Girl With The Broken Smile’, that poor guy is starting to get pruny.

7. Spice Girls ‘Wannabe’ (1997)

Scary Spice Decided To Go Full Feminist With Her Tank Top

Does this song know how to get old? Whatever this “zigazig-ahhh” is, is keeping you from your woman so ‘forget her past’, ‘you gotta make it fast’ and ‘if you really wanna be her lover’ well, you ‘gotta get with her friends.’ This relationship deal is a snag! You don’t deal with her pasts’ baggage. Since its fast, it’s easily hittable and quittable. And if you want to later upgrade to ‘Friends With Benefits’ then you must also agree to “Friends and Friends with Benefits.” Can anyone complain? Actually yes, because the song isn’t over it yet.

Your Nights’ Itinerary If You Agree To The Terms of The Song:

“You got M in the place you who likes it in your face.”… Urrh, alright he may be down.
“You got G like MC who likes it on a easy V, doesn’t come for free, she’s a real lady.” …Okay, negotiable.
“And as for me, ahh you’ll see….” …Nope, zero surprise tolerance. Her V might turn out to be a D that you really don’t want inside your Mel B.

Sir Usher Raymond IV

Posted on February 8, 2011 by Tareen

The creases from the frown on my face were going to become permanent if Usher hadn’t disrupted the “performance” by The Black Eyed Peas during halftime. While the Peas seemed to struggle with “multi-tasking”, Usher made simultaneous singing and dancing look easy. Usher prancing around the stage was the only real performance other than the thousand lit up aliens running around the fields. (Well done, Dallas high schools’ dance teams!)

Although no one can dispute Ushers talent, I have to wonder why a voice that charismatic chooses to sing such nonsensical songs.

With a marvelous inspiration from The Axis of Ego, I too have decided to do a lyrical analysis–but with an Usher song—to plead my case.

Please listen to DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love as I decipher his cryptic message:

I have returned to the establishment for partying. There are people

frolicking from one end to the other—one end to the other. I am

grateful that my treacherous week has ended. A rush of life begins to

overcome me, as if I have risen from the bed of death—risen from the

bed of death.

While raising my arms, I realize that many others have done the same.

Something begins overcome me. I peruse through the

flood of neon lights and set my gaze upon a female. I wonder, “have I

seen her before?”

I recollect her eyes, yes her eyes. If you haven’t realized, I remembered her eyes.

Dear beloved, the disc jockey has us in a deep trance yet again. Yes, my beloved, the disc jockey has us in a deep trance yet again. Dance, dance as if you will never live breathe again, let your inhibitions go, go. I have you so precisely. Dear beloved, the disc jockey has us in a deep trance again.

Quench your thirst with spirit. Do it right away, right away, right away, right away. I shall cast flames upon this roof. I shall scorch this establishment to the ground, ground, ground, ground, ground. Raise your arms! When the melody fades, you and I shall raise our arms. Rest your palms upon my chest—I vow upon the heavens that I have remembered you properly.

I vow upon the heavens that I remember you. Dear beloved, the disc jockey has us in a deep trance yet again. Yes, my beloved, the disc jockey has us in a deep trance yet again. Dance, dance as if you will never live breathe again, let your inhibitions go, go. Dear beloved, the disc jockey has us in a deep trance yet again. (3x)

I extend my appreciation, disc jockey.

Usher, please find a new lyricist and better songs so you make it to my iTunes library.

Songs That Deserve To Already Be “2000 & late”

Posted on May 25, 2010 by Tareen

Over- Drake

“We’ve been everywhere and back but I just can’t remember it all. What am I doin’?”

No really, what are you doing, Drake? I’m sure this song has some deeper connotations involving struggle and a profound mid-twenty crisis but it really just makes me laugh.

Bad Romance- Lady Gaga

“Rah rah ah-ah-ah! Ro mah ro-mah-mah. Gaga Ooh-la-la! Want your bad romance. I want your ugly. I want your disease. I want your everything as long as it’s free. I want your love”

I’m not surprised. I would call it Nasty Romance, really, with Lady Gaga’s (supposed) unlady parts. But honestly, the video was rah rah ah aw awesome. This song is just obnoxiously catchy.

Rude Boy- Rihanna

“Come here rude boy, boy , can you get it up? Come here rude boy, boy, is you big enough?

Not only did she capitalize on her trauma with Chris Breezy with an entire new album, but she stripped his dignity along the way. Don’t get me wrong; I would probably have done the same. Rihanna is about to bring out a new era of “Ra-Ra”ing, over zealous feminists. Brace yourself, world.

But this is still Rated R for Repetitive Relentless-ness

Daddys Home- Usher

“You know your daddy’s home (daddys home), and its time to play (so its time to play)…”

Call me naïve or old fashioned but I really thought this was a sweet song about his non-existent daughter.

THEN he goes “So you aint got to give my loving away. So all my ladies say hey hey hey daddy…Poke it on out poke it out right here. I’mma fall back while you work that chair..”

OH. okay. I don’t care what Usher is flexin’ for some sexin’ but I refuse to call anyone “daddy”. While this point is being made, don’t call women shawty. Its one of those words that just sound dumb coming out of a normal persons mouth.

Fireflys- Owl City

“To ten million fireflies. I’m weird cause I hate good byes. I got misty eyes as they say farewell. But ill know where several are. If my dreams get real bizarre ‘cause I saved a few and keep them in a jar”

….a jar also full of rainbows, butterflies, and baby caterpillars? As “planet Earth turns slowly” in this song, little sane parts of me also die.

Obsessed- Mariah Carey

“ooh boy why you so obsessed with me?  Boy I want to know- lyin’ that you’re sexin me”

I cant picture anyone other than Mariah Carey singing this. If she didn’t have so many rhinestoned butterflies shoved up her giant butt, she’d realize that only the man obsessed with her is an under aged, half sized Nick Cannon.

Watcha Say- Jason DeRulo

“Wha- wha- what did she say. Mmmm whatcha say, Mmm that you only meant well?”

Mmm, what you did was steal Imogean Heaps “Hide and Seek” and make it worse. SNL, however, did a good job of using it for their One Tree Hill parody.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yu8dHe07L6w

Party in the USA- Miley Cyrus

“I got my hands up. They’re playing my song. I know I’m gonna be okay, Yeah. It’s a Party in the USA”

Shame on you, USA, for partying to this song. Hey Miley, Ke$ha called, she doesnt want to share the club light with you and your fake ID.

Down- Jay Sean

“So baby don’t worry, you are my only, You won’t be lonely, even if the sky is falling down, You’ll be my only, no need to worry, Baby are you down down down down down,”

No baby, I’m not down, even if the sky is falling. And since when is it okay to rhyme a word with itself? “Do you remember” when Jay Sean was hot?

Baby- Justin Bieber

“Are we an item? Girl quit playin’ We’re just friends, What are you sayin’? Said there’s another as you look right in my eyes. My first love, broke my heart for the first time. And I was like. Baby, baby, baby ooh”

Yes we know, Justin, you are an infant. That’s why this is so disgusting. Someone explain to me as to why this kid is famous? There are many striving artists out there who deserve to be daily trending topic more than Bieber. Someone find him a baby leash!

Replay- Iyaz

I will be damned if that song were to somehow work its way into my iTunes and get stuck on replay.

“Shawty’s like a melody in my head. That I can’t keep out  Got me singin’ like  Na na na na everyday.It’s like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay (2x)”

This is just painful on 14 levels. The earsplitting, auto-tuned filled voice aside, the lyrics compare the notorious “shawty” to a melody. I would be so pissed if I were this Shawty. Akon and Kanye’s love child, Iyaz, needs end with this unjustified, one hit wonder.

According to you- Orianthi

In tune: According to meee, this song sucks. Its stupid. Its irritating. And I don’t know why people like ittt.

I hate this song so much that I refuse to quote it (mainly because I’ve never heard anything past the first 15 seconds). This song is an instant station changer.