I Do Brunch

If I’m going around town breakfasting with you, consider yourself important. I get up in the morning and think to myself “I love this person so much that I will sacrifice sleep and the comfort of my memory foam to haphazardly make jokes over coffee and eggs”. But the same way I consider breakfast a major event on my mental calendar, I hype up super late night tomfoolery. It’s only possible because it’s rare.

So at 11:35 am I’m standing in line to pay for my drink and gasoline. My first ethical dilemma stems from what’s socially acceptable to drink at this time. If I’m a morning person, I grab juice. If I’m a sleeper-inner, I grab a coffee. I decide that I’m not ready to make a crucial decision at this point in my life. Mmm, water.

Behind me I have a man who is screaming, “MY DAY HAS ALREADY BEEN 4 HOURS LONG AND I LOVE IT”. Chill dude, no need to remind me of everything I will never be. Actually, he said none of that. I just inferred from the sunshine rays beaming from his face. Behind him is a Sleeper-Inner. Yuck lady, we all know you hate life right now considering the wrinkles on your “business casual” ensemble paired with Crocs.

I cannot wake up before 10 am like Morning Dude, but life is definitely not long enough to start at noon like Sleeping Beauty. Second dilemma: are people who wake up between the delicate but refined hours of 10 am and 12 pm worthless?

No, we’re quality people. We’re the moderates in life. We’re shnazzy but not spazzy. We kind of skip the most important meal of the day but not really because it still happens. And as it turns out, the world loves us.

1. Most restaurants don’t bother opening till 11 am.

2. Traffic ends before we wake up and starts back up after we arrive at whatever our 1pm destination is.

3. Brunch includes the best of breakfast and the sizzle of lunch.

4. Excuses are endless when you don’t want to hang out with either extreme.

  • To: Crazy, Uptight Morning Person

“Oh my gosh, 6 am yoga sounds absolutely riveting but I’ve scheduled a REM coma at that time.”

  • To: Lax, Sloppy, Sleeper-Inner:

“Whoa that party that starts at 1 am seems life changing but I unfortunately have to get my career on the next day.”

And finally,

5. Nothing in life can be excluded.

The most important business meetings take place during our peak hours of 10 am and 3 pm. Those 8 am meetings only pretend to be important because people had to buy donuts for them. Brunch makes gluttony classy. Brunch provides conversational segues from Nietzsche’s philosophies to the parallel between global decay and Lindsay Lohan’s teeth.

As a Brunch person, you can function at an Electro-Concert one night and still produce pseudo-intellectual comments in class the next day (which you ingeniously scheduled for 1 pm).

Hate List Part II

1. I Hate Olive Garden Commercials

I carb-load for a living but this makes me associate never ending breadsticks to forced family time in a quasi-Italian dining experience. I think I’d rather watch Jersey Shore than swallow the sap-fest displayed in Olive Garden commercials.
Case in point #1: A recent ad about the importance of time with cousins.

Female Cousin: “Whenever the whole family gets together, we always make time for just us cousins. Like the other day at Olive Garden…”
Male Cousin: “Hey Susan, you gotta tell the Aunt Jesse story!”
Gee wiiiiiz, that’s a funny one.

Case in point #2: Mother and Son bonding

You just need to watch this.
So..Dad’s working his tortellini off while Mother and Son go out for dinner? Wow, I guess they really wanted to try Olive Gardens new Chicken and OEIDIPasta!

2. I Hate It When Ugly People Are Mean To Their Not-So Ugly Significant Other.

If you’re ugly, that’s fine because very little can be done to counter it, just know that you have no right to be a rude girl to your boyfriend. And guys, if she’s a walking dime, be nice to her because she really doesn’t have to be with you.

The assumption is that if you’re ugly, you compensate with wit and kindness. No biggie. If you’re beautiful, people will be more likely to accept your rudeness and relate it to your ego. No biggie.

Obviously it’s never okay to treat anyone poorly but if you’re ugly, it’s just sinful.

3. I Hate Witnessing Mismanaged Cheapness

My family owns a restaurant and we were once changing the prices since our costs went up. We took the 6 out of $6.99 and before we could put a 7, some guy tried to pay us .99 for an entrée. It’s totally understandable if you want to pay .99 for a side of fries or a “beef” taco but why would you want to pay .99 for a Goat curry? How did you convince yourself that it would be safe to ingest? This guy walked out UPSET because he couldn’t get an elaborate dish for less than a dollar. Way to go, bro.

You are not doing your wallet or yourself a favor by being cheap where quality matters. Being thrifty is a SKILL and very few can master it. Mismanaged cheapness will ultimately lead you to buy and pay more later on or sacrifice your dignity.

4. I Hate Cave People

I recently met someone from 2009. This girl had somehow managed to avoid the viral impact of social media and remain cliché.  I think its weird when people are somehow unaware of overly broadcasted information that most of us can’t avoid knowing. I still hear rants about how Kanye is so awful, how auto-tune is killing the music industry, oh Sarah Palin doesn’t know where Russia is, Omg Toms are the greatest thing ever, Ugh facebook privacy settings are so horrible, and hey let me show you this cute video where this boy is going home from the dentist and is all whoozy from the meds HaHA lol, lolcats, lmao, lollerskates, LollisterCo…
WTF. How hard did you have to work to avoid the refresh button on your browser?

5. I Hate It When Super Cute Babies Are Murdered And No Explanations Are Sought

Twitter went from being in a frenzy over Casey Anthony to throwing a hissy fit when she was declared Not Guilty. Rest assured, some of the greatest twitter jokes were made today. But seriously, nothing that happens in Florida ever makes sense. Every other day there I read a headline about the most heinous crimes: ballot mix ups, serial killers (real ones, not just from Dexter), tons of senile people with drivers licenses, gruesome deaths with no explanations, and unwarranted hate crimes. FLORIDIANS, check your water supply because there is something infesting it and your minds. Perhaps, tourists.

Hello Little Boys, Little Toys, We’re the Dreams You Wont Believe In

Whenever I meet a woman who exudes sexiness from every pore, my arms get heavy and my game face is on. I get coy—something that never happens around an attractive man. I’m not a lesbian but I really just appreciate good-looking, interesting women. Sadly, they are seemingly rare.

Whenever I meet a new guy, I am eventually or immediately told that they find me to be a refreshing woman. I try my best to be flattered in these situations because the alternative is a sad realization that most women are shallow and dreary. She may carry that morning after voice with a tango for a walk but homegirl is as exciting as that chair she’s sitting on…a very lucky chair.

Men are a lot more observant than they allow us to perceive and here’s why: if they admit to noticing our subtle habits that indicate our major character flaws, then we would easily upgrade our Masters in Deception to a PhD (this topic is definitely a future blog post).

So what’s considered “refreshing” in women? It’s honestly such simple things that it pains me to have to list them:

  1. Mild interest in political and social issues.
  2. General awareness of current events.
  3. Passions in life (other than shopping and “going out with mah gurls”)
  4. Hobbies: things they do just for themselves.
  5. Not phone cradle in the midst of new company or any friends.
  6. Not assume that any woman better looking than herself is a “whore”.

One of the most despairing realizations this year has been that in any given circumstance, a group of men will be engaged in a more mindful conversation than a group of women. While we cackle away at embarrassing recounts of our day and obsess over how cute we look, guys will be discussing the best way to invest or fuel the need for innovation. People gossip and vent and that’s okay but there should ultimately be substance at the core of every conversation.

I’ve come to fully appreciate my girl friends. They are aspiring, versatile conversationalists, and conscientious of their surroundings. They are all what men would consider, “a catch”.

Even if Venus herself molded the woman’s body, nothing but character can fill it to be desirable. I am in no way alluding that women aren’t pursuing careers or are unintelligent. My claim is that despite their education, women maintain one-dimensional personalities. It’s laziness. It’s weird to be boring in a society that is thriving on the impact of social media and interest-based progress.

Although both men and women can have shallow personalities, women overwhelmingly outweigh men in banality. Be dorky, make jokes, have causes in life, express opinions, listen, speak, have jagged edges in your life and be present.

I’m sure there are secretly many interesting women out there…It would just be really awesome if they made it more evident because right now, things are too easy for the rest of us.

Deafening Silence: Muslims Against Radical Islam

Until Muslims want more from their people, there is little room for complaint. The anger and frustration against my own religion has been numbed by sadness and displaced acceptance.

I want to feel ashamed by the silence I maintain when people around me express their disdain towards my religion, Islam. For some reason, however, I feel no shame. Because I don’t want to feed Islam’s greatest misconceptions, I avoid engaging in frenzied debates or displaying my frustration with strangers and even some friends.

Take a tough moment to sympathize with anyone who has ever degraded you, attacked your most precious beliefs, or has unjustly left you without spirit. Sympathize because everyone hates and everyone is a victim at some point.

It took long, mindful thinking to realize that I too would be left with a bit of inescapable contempt towards Muslims after everything that has happened in the Muslim world. The emotional, physical, verbal attacks against the Western world from Radical Islamists are endless.

Radical mentality cannot exist without and is only supported by stubborn ignorance. The greatest display of ignorance is in the leaders of suppressive governments. Recently, it was the Bush Administration that first discovered the complexities and inanity of Islamic Regimes. And now beyond Iraq and Afghanistan, corruption is unfolding from Tunisia to Indonesia.

Muslims, who live outside the tiny scope of Radical Islam, feel betrayed. They are victims to their own kind. No one retaliates the way militant Muslims do in this era. Their methods are unwarranted and accomplish nothing but notoriety—fueling the ignorance and hypocrisy of fanatical “Muslims”. Despite everything, more people in the United States acknowledge the discrepancies between real Muslims and the fanatics. I am always so proud to be American.

Ignorance exists everywhere but Muslim-Majority nations are letting it cripple their image with the rest of humanity.

The association of terror with Islam cannot be limited to Western ignorance. The fear is perpetuated by false practices of Islam by the militant leaders. Under the guise of morality, extremists in these nations maintained a theocracy—dictated by distorted interpretations of Islam’s holy book, the Quran. They ignore the basic, crucial principles of peace, compassion, and true faith.

Before Muslims can defend themselves against hate, they should condemn radical Muslims for their ignorance.

The Quran is beautiful poetry, outlining the need for compassion, accepting that God gave everyone freewill, and leading a life of humility. Violence is limited to defense, women (especially Mothers) are held with the highest regard, charity is a must, and there should be no limits to education. Yet, these radical leaders and their followers continue to arouse chaos, fight against social reform and keep their people silenced—all in the name of Islam. What validity of faith, peace, and worship exists after acts of any violence?

Small cries soon lead to fierce shouts against what was once silence. The chain-reaction of peaceful uprisings against fascists in Africa and the Middle East has enthralled everyone. More than hope, there is now a progressive social reform in the Muslim world. People broke free from dictatorship and corrupt regimes with movements loud enough to show truth in Islam.

This picture made me feel again.

Islam does not justify suppressing women, burning schools, and stoning adulterers. Although the reality of Radical Islam is difficult to grasp for normal Muslims, we should display spirited defense. Political and social movements took perseverance. The recent efforts in Northern Africa and Middle East are truly noteworthy. For once I know: it can be done. The bubble has burst and the aspirations of modern men and women can no longer be ignored.

Why was it ever so hard for me to say: “I’m a Muslim and my religion does not support that.” That’s almost all it takes.

Break the silence against ignorant, illiterate, radical “Muslims”—the real enemies against Islam.

Revolutionary Marketing 2011

There are very few people or establishments without a social media presence now. Facebook has become our virtual passport, allowing us to “like” everywhere we go online. In less than 3 clicks on my phone, I can immediately spread an article I like from twitter to 15-20 immediate viewers. But this isn’t about how amazing social media, its about how clever marketers found a way to re-revolutionize the impact of it all.

Marketing breakthroughs have been so frequent the past year that the excitement of it all is usually fleeting. Despite the current lack of shock value of social media, these recent marketing techniques have left me baffled.

1. Justin Bieber “Never Say Never” 3D (Theaters/3D Appeal)

I hate Justin Bieber fantatics. Some lady hates those fanatics too and decided the best way to contain her rage is by stealing their money. In an elaborate, money making scheme, she put together a montage of 3 home videos, 2-3 viral youtube videos, footage of concerts, a couple of 3 sentence interviews, and a collection of the freaks themselves screaming on camera. The collection of clips were put in chronological order, made “3D” and then advertised it as an “Experience to his world in 3D”. What most would consider a documentary, suddenly became an “experience” worth $11-18 in a theater near you.

The only difference between “Never Say Never” and MTV Behind the Scene is a slight 3D effect. It was brilliant. Give loyal fans what they want and they’ll pay for it—a simple act with profound effects.

Never Say Never to teenage freaks.

2. Rebecca Black (Youtube)

The Bieber movement consequently inspired two parents to invest in their bathroom voice prodigy daughter, Rebecca. After $2000+ spent on hiring a professional recording group, youtube recognition, and I’m guessing a whopping $1.59 to some lyricist, Rebecca Black launched a video that received more notoriety than anything else I’ve lived to see.

I will confess, I never made it past the first 30 seconds of the video but I have endured countless renditions and parodies of the music video. The brilliance of the song “Friday” is not the actual video but how Ark Music Factory (the recording agency) specifically caters to wealthy parents with untalented children. I say this because Rebecca Black is not the first of her kind; there are others just as worse. Ark Music Factory provides false hope, a camera, and auto-tune in exchange for a couple grand to aspiring pop stars.

Sign me up.

Ruin your Fridays forever

3. Smart Water (Youtube)

It must have been frustrating for marketing agencies to see effortless youtube videos gain the attention of millions and media notoriety while their own strategies were reduced to standard commercializing. However, a concession was made when Jennifer Aniston pastiched a medley of previously viral youtube videos for a Smart Water campaign.  With over 8 million hits, the self-proclaimed “viral” video did justice to its name.

The whole concept behind bottled water is already scheming, but after gathering direct attention with immediate responses and millions of viewers for FREE, it is now innovative. No, Smart.

Jennifer Anistons Sex Tape

4. Charlie Sheen (Radio/Television/Twitter)

I know, this guy is overexposed but I really love it when celebrities capitalize on their mishaps and tragedies. Why wouldn’t you? Postmodernism has taught celebrities one valuable lesson: either you hide and lose the limelight forever OR you accept your faults, gain attention from all media outlets and then you secure your fame by capitalizing on it.

After being exposed for abusing his wife, using an undisclosed amount of drugs, having porn stars as best friends, Charlie Sheen went on a series of rampant interviews at radio stations and talk shows. His attempts at self-defense were minimal and outweighed by hilarious remarks—manifesting irreversible insanity.  For a solid 2 days, Charlie Sheen ruled all forms of media. Sheen soon became an active tweeter, helping him unofficially coin terms like #tigerblood and #turd. With all this, Sheen saw fit to launch a series of “shows” around the US. This is a marketing #win.

Tiger Woods, talk to Sheen, you were never as bad as him.

twitter.com/CHARLIESHEEN

Think Inside the Box

Don’t let it piss you off when you realize how easy it actually is to be happy in life. Around this time last year, I made one simple decision: make no resolutions.

When you’re losing your mind, stressed about anything or everything, ask yourself: “Does it really even have to be this way?”

Most of us already have everything we need to lead a happy, stress free life. Before modern society, stress was good—necessary for basic survival instincts. Now, life has just become a list of demands and goals. Every time I sacrifice living life to study I ask, “Is this worth it?” I want to know the exact date in ancient history where civilization decided that life was about wanting more. To clarify, I love innovation. I would be saddened by any disruption to progress. However, happiness should not be the price we pay for change. We complicate life on our own. I also admire ambition but again, you have to consider its actual cost. If you spend a quarter of your life searching for your dream, the next half of your life achieving it, what was the point in the end?

Thinking and living inside the box is so underrated. Not once this past year did I feel “unhappy”. I accepted life. You don’t have to continuously feel grateful for your life to be happy either. Just know that achieving your ambitions is outside the box—not a matter to stress over. Unburden yourself to be happy.

1. Redefine “goals”

This year has been so cathartic because I finally stopped making rules. How “outside of the box” is it to know exactly where you’re headed all the time? If you don’t let your goals limit you, then you’ll probably end up achieving something everyday. Just do things that you’ll be happy about—it’s that simple.

Loopy?

2. Don’t bother having a personal “To-Do” list past #3 (or have a list at all).

Try to think of the last time you finished the first 3 things on your list and made it onto #4…Must have been a great day but no one can do that everyday. I used to create my own stress and disappointment by starting my day off with false expectations. As the days of feeling useless-ness piled up, the more daunting this list became. Everyday began with guilt from the previous days’ of un-accomplishment. I just got rid of it one day; I started living that day.

3. Stop Being Busy

This takes a lot of mental deconstruction. Do what’s truly important. Do less. Before you worry over what was pushed aside in the process, realize that it probably had no affect on anything. Think before you make commitments.Stop being busy and be still. The less you move the easier it will be to direct yourself to what’s necessary.

Very little in life demands risk so why isn’t everyone happy? Begin to accept that happiness doesn’t have to be an abstract concept or goal. Its difficult and ironically against our nature to live inside the box.

I have enjoyed every minute of the last 365 days. Forget making resolutions this year; just start living.

We Cannot Grow Without Accepting Our Weaknesses: The Economic Meltdown of 2008

I recently sat in on a Q&A with Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben Bernanke. It was aimed to answer questions that rose from our recent economic crisis and to help students of all ages understand the importance of personal financial literacy.

Some key lessons/ideas I will seek to grow from:

Greatest Success and Greatest Failure of The Federal Reserve

During the Great Depression, the Federal Reserve failed to boost the money supply and stabilize the financial system. Consequently, in 2008-2009, the Fed took this lesson to heart—they prevented deflation and kept the banking industry from collapsing. A great achievement was in the 1970’s. The Fed brought down inflation, conquered it and achieved great prosperity. He urged the importance of students needing to understand the elements of stability and crisis management from the past and present.

Role of the Media in Consumer Confidence

The media controls a large portion of consumer and business confidence. We should keep a healthy amount of skepticism and decide for ourselves before placing too much or too little confidence in our economic health. We need to think for ourselves with a wide variety of sources (newspapers, channels, politicians and economists). Those who have prospered have always kept this in mind.

Monetary vs. Fiscal Policy

It is importance to know the difference because the Fed only deals with monetary policy. The Fed works independently from Congress its Fiscal Policy therefore, maintaining their nonpartisanship. Although we’re in a recovery, we are still struggling. According to Bernanke, we cannot cut taxes while increasing spending all at once. However, we need to be expansive in the short run and frugal in the long run. It’s a challenge. We need to somehow persuade the public that we need to tackle our long run debt and will in turn give us more space to be expansive.

Banks: Raise or Lower Risks?

Raising risks brought on the recession but not taking any risks has slowed down our growth. Should banks seek to build capital and stabilize or make more loans? Bernanke proclaims that banks should make loans to good borrowers to build capital—great for both businesses and our economy. However, we should now take a “balanced and appropriate” approach: healthy risks and lots of help for small businesses (85% of our economy).

The recession ended in June 2009. Why is there still slow growth?

Bernanke states, “It is not uncommon for recovery to be slow after such a financial crisis.” He mentions that banks were reluctant to make loans and cater to household finances. Consumers are saving (finally!) but spending has decreased. Ultimately, even though our labor market is expanding, we still feel little growth. Bernanke concludes that the suffering is diminishing and we should continue being hopeful.

What if the Fed didn’t collaborate with the Government?

Its true: we basically bailed out Wall Street. A combination of subprime mortgages, greedy business executives, and the lack of business regulations was the root of the bailouts.

This Frontline video is one of my favorites and it thoroughly explains the financial crisis of 2008.

Basically, loans were given to homebuyers despite investment banks being aware of its high risk. Insurance companies, like AIG, backed these loans with phenomenal ratings, entrusting them to attract other investors. Keep in mind that these insurance agencies maintain peoples pension and hedge funds. Companies like Goldman Sachs allegedly sold these loans, aware that they would fail, and bet against them (synthetic collateralized debt obligations).

In the end, the burden is left on the taxpayers.

So in 2008, the Fed had no choice but to step in. They tried to prevent a collapse of our economy, not to save Wall Street. They knew from history that the financial system is too important…its collapse would have been beyond devastating. Bernanke reiterates, “Although it was distasteful, it was necessary.” In September-October 2008, we came very close to a global financial system collapse. Actually, a couple of nations did have their economy collapse but most nations began issuing bailouts to prevent a deeper, greater meltdown. If the Fed did not collaborate with the Government, people would lose investments, retirement, and the wounds from this recession would be far from healing years later. It was all a successful attempt. The Feds actions were necessary because it affected every single American. In retrospect, we prevented being in a graver state like other nations. Many companies are also paying back their bailouts with interest. Bernanke concludes that, “as an economic historian, we really had to keep it from being worse.”

The toughest situations have the least popular policies. Patience and trust has never been so important, even beyond our economy.

Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act

I’m a business major but even I cannot ignore the need for reform. The Dodd-Frank/Consumer Protection Act passed in July and was comprehensive enough to mend our errors. It makes fundamental changes in our financial system: creates a stability oversight council and brings together the heads of all financial agencies. This reform greatly strengthens the provisions for regulators to oversee individual as well as the general whole of the various institutions. It closes many existing gaps in our system (there were previously no legal requirements for investment banks to be regulated).

It also creates a consumer protection agency. It has provisions that make bailouts unnecessary and illegal. We will have an agency to oversee it in the case that an institution is collapsing and the government will “size it down with no tax dollars spent…this legislation is, by far, the most sweeping since 1930”. The Great Depression lead to the creation of the FDIC and The Meltdown of 2008 lead to the Dodd-Frank/Consumer Protection Act.

So what’s an important lesson for our future generation: the students?

At the macro-level we can take note of how damaging financial instability can be on our society as a whole. Contrary to what I felt before, I’ve realized the enormous importance of Wall Street. Its near collapse jumpstarted a series of bailouts that were, regretfully, necessary. At the micro-level, we can learn a lesson in personal financial literacy. The basics of saving and budgeting as an individual have never seemed more crucial.

Note: I really do appreciate all the support, praise, and constructive criticism I receive. I don’t know why more people don’t question my thoughts and ideas because I’m usually pretty debatable. I cannot hope to improve my style or rhetoric without criticism.